we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
