who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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