i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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