Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
