i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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