I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize