You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
