We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
