me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
