So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
