had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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