I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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