omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
