first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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