that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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