Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
