we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
