If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize