I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize