and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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