the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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