why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I pour the whiskey from now on
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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