we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my shit smells like andre
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
