I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
