my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize