what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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