We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
