If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I need to align my fucking chakras
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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