Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Vodka?
Forever.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think my moral compass just broke
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
