my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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