I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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