So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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