pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
