somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
