...so i touched it.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just tell him i said nine months
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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