So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
