i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
