This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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