Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
