SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
