so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
