At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
