if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
where are my eyebrows?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
