Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
