Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
