remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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