id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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