shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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