Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
