Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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