Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
