At least make sure they are 18
Why
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
