sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize