Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
