oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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