That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize