We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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