Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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