I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
