I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
