I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
