She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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