DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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