My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
