I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
