I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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