The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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